Farewell to the master of the u-turn on the freeway;
Watch my lips he promised, turning sod, no tolls.
Goodbye to the maestro of the sound bite and the cliché
And the ever-present photo opportunity at the polls.
Sayonara to the mirror man, no more ‘looking into it’
No more jollies overseas or drinking with your mates.
We wonder, as an untrained brumby grabs the reins,
Why heeth altho gone who only thtands and thwaites?
I have tried but as it seems impossible to escape the endless list of favourites I have, as a member of ths community , decided to contribute my own.
What is your favourite fantasy.
As we are all anonymous you need have no qualms.
My own ? Well, being sandwiched between two nubile members of the opposite sex, one caucasian and one african, does hold a certain appeal for me. Only on the grounds of racial harmony, naturally.
Following a huge fanfare from man4thepeople there has been little evidence of his experiment, the criteria or the results. Was it all just smoke and mirrors ? Who are these famous people he claims to have at his beck and call ? What is his track record ? What, if any, problems has he actually solved ?
I could ask the same of Dr (sic) Lovehandles.
Seems to me Nook is being infested with hams and shams.
How much do I despise cyclists, let me count the ways.
They take no test before they mount their velocipedes and head off into the busiest traffic. No mental test, which means that across the whole spectrum of knowledge of the rules of the road the average cyclist falls somewhere in the range of little to none.
They take no physical test so they can therefore be half-blind (or worse), deaf, maimed or spastic or any combination of these. Physical inability to control their vehicle is of no importance.
They pay no rego or third party insurance. So they use the roads and cycle lanes without paying for them and if they damage your vehicle they can escape without penalty because they carry no identifying marks.
They have no speedometers so the can cheerfully exceed the speed limits of 40, 50, 60 kmph, even 70 if their shaven legs can pummel fast enough, with impunity.
They wear the most unwarranted, ridiculously loud outfits, emblazoned with lurid letters and symbols advertising god knows what to nobody who gives a damn.
They demand the width of a car when you pass them but miraculously slim down to the thickness of a sheet of paper at traffic lights so they can squeeze between your car and the pavement or your car and the truck alongside. And then they wobble off in front of you, delaying your progress further until the next set of lights where they then amazingly morph into a pedestrian and cross on the Green Man before disappearing along the pavement.
The cumulative number of productive man-hours lost by couriers, tradies, people on the bus and general motorists as they are delayed by cyclists is nothing less than criminal. Imagine walking down the street half a K with your fishing rod and holding up all the traffic. The Old Bill would soon be feeling your collar.
So, to sum up: foolish, reckless, selfish, arrogant, dangerous and stupid. Can anyone think up any other adjectives to describe your average cyclist ?
Oh, by the way, I don’t drive. I either walk or ride (behind my chauffeur, naturally).
